my canary life: July 2012

2012-07-12

A Happy Good Bye

"Respect yourself to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy."

So this is the time to say goodbye. But not to you, to the Past! So many good and maybe not so good things happened then... I've lost some friends (where they real friends then?), who couldn't accept or understand my blogging experiments and I've lost some BLOGGER FELLOW ... I renewed forgotten friendships and made the new ones... But the most important, I made a peace with myself. :)

It was a moment in my life, when everything suddenly became surreal. Like in a stopped movie, I've found myself between meaningless routines frozen and paralyzed from the scary and uncertain future. Everything was just a big black yelling emptiness mixed with only one question - "But what about my family?!?"... It's like dealing for years with some chronic disease wasn't enough. Weird, how only one visit to the doctor can change all your life... "Health is not everything, but without it everything is nothing..."

That's how everything became Black. The color of not having a color, but very important one.

"Without black, no color has any depth. But if you mix black with everything, suddenly there's shadow - no, not just shadow, but fullness. You've got to be willing to mix black into your palette if you want to create something that is real." (Amy Grant)

In some amazing way THE LIGHT passed by... It touched me like a miracle, like a hope, like a dream , like a promise, like a LIFE. For many hours and days, half blind (surgery complications) and in pain I was browsing the pages of unbelievable beauty, repeating to myself that everything is going to be ok. And I will see more beauty which is all around in this world. THANK YOU, LORETA!!! In a mysterious way, you've saved my soul and my life!

So this is how my blog was born. Day after day convincing myself, that life is worth to live. That beauty is everywhere, even in this exotic, but very strange to me place. The journey wasn't easy; depending on the day my moods where jumping up and down. Sometimes I needed to force myself with all my powers to do it. Just do it. Day by day. Post by post. Step by step.

And here I am. Happy and healed. Of course my soul got a bit stained after such experiences, but if I can forgive myself for not being so perfect, maybe you could do it too! At least I made some virtual friends and a few lucky shots. The beautiful power of creativity marked me, and I feel like there is no way back to the life without it, in any shape, idea or form...

Today I've decided to change it, my blog. I have more life outside the computer screen now, so it will be less posting, and maybe different (or maybe not) style. We'll see. Can't promise anything yet!

Thank you for your time with me, and for the things I've learned from all of you!

P.S. Today is my happy birthday :))